2026-02-04_enough - the wager

am i doing enough? at any given moment in time i may/will never be able to answer this question with the type of answer i often desire most: a ‘simple’ yes or no. why? because for the type of “enough” that is being discussed here, the only way to be able to answer yes or no truthfully would be to know the future and that i do not. and that i cannot.

so, how to proceed? one possible path: accept & deal with the likelihood that one day you will look back and come to the conclusion that no, you didn’t do enough, quantitatively & qualitatively. and at the same time, accept & deal with the fact that no, you couldn’t have done more (and that you weren’t the only one in the equation anyway).

but this brings us back to our original question, which wasn’t did i do enough, but am i doing enough?

i don’t know. i know relatively surely that i can’t know. but that doesn’t help m(e) much currently.

am i doing enough?
am i doing enough?
what is enough?
where is enough?
when is enough?
i don’t know.
i don’t know.
i can’t feel.
most of what i can feel when i ask myself the question is fear, uncertainty and a twinge of guilt. fear, uncertainty & guilt towards my limits most of all. because any time the question comes up the follow-up of what can i even do isn’t far behind. and instead of grounding me, most times it serves as the cue for me to condemn myself for the current state of my limits, and if it gets bad enough for the fact that i have limits at all.

why is it so hard to feel like enough? even just for more than a couple moments.

what’s the use? no, seriously, what’s the use of asking the question (so often)? who does it help? you? no. your communities? not really. so, who’s left? what’s left? capital.

it’s not that you lack the ‘will’ or the abilities to do what must be done. it’s that you lack the faith that you’ll do it without you constantly questioning if you’re really doing it. but that is the only way. the only way that has a chance. take the chance. have faith & hope in the wager. in your abilities to act in the present & to grow in the future, both while learning from the past.

revolution-transformation always involves a wager, one that we must always take. without constantly asking if this is really it/enough, but instead always having faith in it/us while consistently reflecting collectively on how to continue with it.